Autozone

You shouldn't judge a book by its cover (i. e., title), but what's the rule on blog posts?
Judging by this title, one wouldn't suspect anything profound, in which case they would be right. A mere observation is all I offer: When I go to autozone (which isn't often), I feel this urgent need to convey to the people there that I have much more knowledge about vehicles than I actually possess (which is minimal). I suddenly start sputtering out phrases like the everyday dilettante:

"Yeah, it could be the catalytic converter, but I think I need new spark plugs. Or at least more. This is a V8. How many Vs should I have?"

The mind kicks into overdrive. I start sputtering out words that I haven't even heard before: manifold...intake valve...thermal viscosity breakdown. Am I the only one to suffer from this syndrome? It's like I have to prove to them that they shouldn't dumb things down for me (although they really should). That's all I had to say.



-simon


p.s. Have you ever just decided to keep on hitting refresh on your blogspot profile just to up the number of times people have viewed y0ur profile? Yeah, I haven't done that either- I was just wondering.

IT'S OFFICIAL- OU to readmit Skolnick

NORMAN,OK (AP)- After four years of misfortune and sorrow, the University of Oklahoma has decided on the readmission of Skolnick. The formerly prestigious college has been in shambles since parting ways with its most prolific scholar. The future looked bleak, but now there is some hope on the horizon. "We like our options, now," says President David Boren. "You can't stop Skolnick. You can only hope to contain him. We were able to look beyond a past mired in controversy and see the enormous opportunity that we had in front of us. Now, we have someone we can build around." It is that same controversy that has some of Boren's supporters up in arms. After accumulating a file two inches thick, culminating in 2 counts of what is only known as "The Adit Breach", his current hiatus was by no means voluntary. Many have doubts that one with such a reputation would be able to return this institution back to glory. Nevertheless, bringing in such a high profile student may do wonders for recruiting purposes. And it is no secret that the university had a certain level of respectability while Skolnick was in attendance. The question is whether or not these two factors are correlated. But for the student, it doesn't seem to matter. "I'm just glad to get a second chance," he said in a telephone interview. When asked to comment on any classes he might take, he declined, saying, "I don't take classes, they take me. Don't print that. I don't know what it means. Maybe Epistemology." He also declined to comment on the accusations that he was self-involved and suffered from a number of ego problems. His website did release a statement, but it was so entrenched with distortions, misquotes, and inane dialog that one wonders if it could be taken seriously at all. Nevertheless, it has been reprinted in the previous 19 sentences, including this one and any of them that follow. So it seems that, for now, everyone around this great city can breath a little easier. Mostly because pollen levels are low.

if I only had life insurance

This is my first post in about a year and a half. Since then, I have done many things. But one thing I haven't done is post on my blog. Today, I was contemplating faking my own death and sleeping on the island in the middle of the duck pond. I could bring a fishing pole and a sleeping bag and be done with it. Faking death is the easy part. I could fish and then clean them, but there wouldn't be anyway to cook them without someone noticing. A foreman grill would be the best option, but I doubt that there are any outlets on the island. And before anyone corrects me, I am aware that there are 2 islands, so, in order to clarify, I am speaking of the larger one. There is more vegetation to hide in on that one. Another concern is that I don't have a current oklahoma fishing license, and even if I got one, it would expire, so my goal of never leaving would be ruined. They do sell lifetime licenses, but that's a bit out of my price range. Now you may ask, why go to the trouble of obeying a law when you dont plan on being seen ever again? Simple: if I do get caught they'll just have me on trespassing and loitering. But if they could prove I've been fishing, then, that's strike three, and to the courthouse for me.
Now, you may say, "hey, man don't you like it here?" Sure. Earth isn't a bad place to grow up. But sometimes you need a break. Paul and Jesus and others lamented some of their time on this green earth, and I am certainly not to that point, but it would be an interesting experiment. I wonder at what point John the Baptist just walked to the river and started yelling at people. Did he tell his mom and dad? "Hey, I'm going to the Jordan. I'll probably be there for a few years... Oh don't worry, I'll just eat locusts and honey. No problems. Don't bother bringing me a sandwich." But he just up and went. I'll bet Mary and Elizabeth had some interesting conversations.
Elizabeth: So I hear Jesus is appenticing to be a carpenter. That is wonderful. He is growing up to be a fine man, and perhaps he could one day even lead this nation.
Mary: Yes, and I hear that John still is living near the Jordan. How is that going? Does he have enough camels' hair?
(extened pause)
and so on.


anyway,
thats all i've got for today
(apologies for being so scatterbrained... its been awhile and i can get carried away).
-whomever God wants me to be