Friday, May 14, 2010

Iron Man 2 Review (and also a review of last night in general)




Dear Internet,

As a way of parting company, last night, my dgroup and I decided to partake in that ancient ritual of going to the picture show. We went to see the latest craze amongst the kids these days, Iron Man 2. And although it has received high marks from many, I left the theater wondering about all the loose ends... It started about ninety seconds into the film, when the camera panned over a Time Magazine cover, I thought to myself,


I don't remember Iron Man being Time'
s Man of the Year
...
Nor on trial in front of a Judicial Senate committee
(or whatever that was).
...
I'm not sure these events actually even happened!

I was going to have something in here calling the Iron Man suit a 'wardrobe malfunction', but I realized that phrase got overused and unfunny 3 seconds after I heard it the first time. Actually, those three seconds were fairly pedantic as well.

Also, there where many other questions that never got answered. Although, that was partially because I chose to escort myself off the premises a bit prematurely(regardless of what the employees of a certain Warren Theater tell you...but boy, I can tell you they do hate liveblogging). Nevertheless, I can assure you the rest of the movie went something like this:

Blah Blah Blah Tony Stark
Blah Blah Blah Gwyneth Paltrow
Blah Blah Blah Rosemay Clooney (I temporarily forgot her name)
.
Jon Favreau
Sam Jackson


So instead, I am going to tell you what should have happened based on what I watched at home. The movie I watched was Jurassic Park, and I am giving you an
italicized critique of it, staring Iron Man. (It's italicized mostly because I can't work my blog's dashboard).




Summer hasn't even hit, and the blockbusters are ROAR-ing out of the gate. That's right, our first big flick of the season, Iron Man vs. Jurassic Park (or IMVJP), was a timeless, futuristic, galvanizing thrill ride. Too scared to go outside? That's ok- Iron Man is here to protect America and her interests. Unfortunately, this doesn't include rich British guys that own islands of the coast of Costa Rica. Robert Downey is memorable as the comedic Tony Stark (who eventually gets eaten) Sam Jackson reprises his role as guy in lab coat that gets eaten. Rosemary Clooney is either granddaughter or grandmother of the rich British guy (who, if you didn't know, got eaten at the end of the first book). Gwyneth Paltrow plays a velociraptor. Who kills everyone. Still, the Iron Man suit is toxic for dinosaurs, so she dies, too. Fin






Next, I proceeded to the Greek vs. Geeks birthday party, where people dress as one or the other option.





Good party/dance time with everyone. Hey, look. No italics.

pax.










p.s. - for all those Iron Man 2 apologists out there, the movie was actually pretty entertaining.